Well now, let me tell ya, every day’s a mystery, ain’t it? Like that Daily Horoscope thing. Folks always lookin’ up at the stars, tryin’ to figure out what’s gonna happen. They got all kinds of free daily, weekly, monthly, and yearly horoscopes for every sign you can think of. You can find out about your love life, your career, all sorts of stuff. But I tell ya, it’s all just a bit of fun, don’t take it too serious now.
If you’re one of them folks who likes to check your horoscope first thing in the mornin’, that SFGate Daily Horoscope might just be your cup of tea. They say it tells ya what the stars got planned for ya. I reckon it’s like readin’ the weather forecast, sometimes it’s right, sometimes it ain’t. But hey, it gives ya somethin’ to think about while you’re havin’ your coffee.
Now, they got this Madame Clairevoyant lady who writes horoscopes too. She says somethin’ about Mercury movin’ forward through Sagittarius. Sounds fancy, don’t it? But what it really means, I ain’t got a clue. She probably knows though, bein’ all smart and stuff.
Let’s see, what else they got? Oh yeah, they got horoscopes for all them zodiac signs. You know, Aries, Taurus, Gemini, all them fellas. If you’re a Taurus, they say the Full Moon lights up your mystery house. What’s a mystery house, you ask? Beats me. But they say it gives ya insight for the year ahead. Well, that sounds good, don’t it? Life is real, they say, and I reckon that’s true enough.
- Aries (March 21 – April 19): Them Aries folks, they always in a hurry, like a chicken with its head cut off.
- Taurus (April 20 – May 20): Stubborn as a mule, them Taurus folks, but they got a good heart.
- Gemini (May 21 – June 20): Two-faced, they say, but I think they just got a lot on their minds.
- Cancer (June 21 – July 22): Sensitive souls, them Cancer folks, always cryin’ at the movies.
- Leo (July 23 – August 22): Loud and proud, them Leos, always wantin’ to be the center of attention.
- Virgo (August 23 – September 22): Neat and tidy, them Virgos, always cleanin’ somethin’.
- Libra (September 23 – October 22): Fair and balanced, them Libras, always tryin’ to keep the peace.
- Scorpio (October 23 – November 21): Secretive and mysterious, them Scorpios, always up to somethin’.
- Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21): Adventurous and free-spirited, them Sagittarius folks, always on the go.
- Capricorn (December 22 – January 19): Hard-workin’ and ambitious, them Capricorns, always climbin’ the ladder.
- Aquarius (January 20 – February 18): Unique and eccentric, them Aquarius folks, always marchin’ to the beat of their own drum.
- Pisces (February 19 – March 20): Dreamy and imaginative, them Pisces folks, always got their head in the clouds.
Now, some folks say relyin’ on horoscopes distracts ya from your faith and prayer. They say you should be seekin’ wisdom from the good book, not from the stars. And that it’s the devil’s way of messin’ with ya, givin’ ya false prophecies. Well, I don’t know about all that. I reckon it’s up to each person to decide what they believe.
But like them smart folks say, “To the extent that reading your horoscope gives a sense of order or meaning to your life, that would be a positive thing. The problem is there’s no scientific basis to the horoscope, so I think acting on it is not a good thing.” See, even them smart folks can’t agree. They say how an astrologer writes a horoscope is that they look at this thing called an ephemeris. Sounds complicated, don’t it? I stick to lookin’ at the chickens in the yard – if they’re quiet, it’ll be a good day; if they’re squawkin’, watch out for trouble.
So, whether you believe in them stars or not, it don’t hurt to read your weekly insights, just for fun. You might just learn somethin’ new from folks you thought you knew like the back of your hand. Like that Cancer fella, they say he’s a sensitive soul. Well, I know a Cancer fella, and he ain’t sensitive at all. He’s tough as nails. So, you see, it ain’t always right, these horoscopes. But they can be entertainin’, that’s for sure.
And remember, today’s horoscope is just for today. Tomorrow’s a whole new ball game. Don’t go makin’ any big decisions based on what them stars say. Use your own common sense, that’s what I always say. And if you’re lookin’ for advice, talk to a real person, not some stars a million miles away.
Now, I gotta go feed them chickens. They’re probably wonderin’ what their horoscope says for today too. Probably says, “Eat lots of corn and lay big eggs!” That’s a good horoscope, I reckon. Simple and to the point.
